It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
