this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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