we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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