So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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