Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
