i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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