I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
