It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize