That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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