Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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