Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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