Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
