I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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