He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
