Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize