I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
