Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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