Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
