she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
