fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
