Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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