She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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