You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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