now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
