the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
