Please, let me fuck your mom
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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