It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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