that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
