you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
