Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
