Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
