got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
