It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
vagina is talking i cant
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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