and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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