I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize