I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
