i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
