As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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