Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
