OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize