if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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