Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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