Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
North Korea, Best Korea!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
