Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
