someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize