awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
