I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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