I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
