He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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