i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
