I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
