It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my being single is dangerous.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
