I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I look better un-naked...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
