dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
