Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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