i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
