No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
