You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
