apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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