You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
