apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
These tits shall not be calmed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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