I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
