2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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