On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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