Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
