I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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