Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
