Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
