whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
