i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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