I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
