There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
