Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
