There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
