At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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