I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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