I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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