Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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