i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
