You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
