If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
