Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
