Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
