She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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