Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
