it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
