I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
