I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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