Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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