I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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