Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
