If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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