High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
