I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
