just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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