When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
