The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
