if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
