I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
