im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
