He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
